国庆节TheNationalDay
The night of Shanghai has never appealed to me. City born and city bred, I＇ve got tired of the brightness of neon signs and the grandeur of skyscrapers in Shanghai.
But on this year＇s National Day, I spent a whole night roaming Nanjing Road and the Bund the symbol of the modern material Shanghai, with my roommates. It＇s the first time that I went out with them. With the huge amount of tourists, we could only wander with the cluster of people, having no destination. In the crowd, we entertained ourselves singing, joking and chatting, leaving all the worries, pressures and unhappiness behind,until mid night. Tired as we were, we still felt very happy. My roommates were quite impressed by the beauty, prosperity and the liveliness of Shanghai. But for me, all these were none of my business. What I treasured was the time I shared with them though that night Shanghai was so charming that she seemed to be one of the leading cities in the world.
It was the friendship that made the night of National Day especially enjoyable and memorable. Because I know that after a few years, my roommates and I may spread out across the world. But I think, that night, we had stockpiled memories like firewood, knowing that, one day, we would gather to relight the blaze of our friendship at the same place.
简 评
高峰同学的这篇作文构思很巧妙，在文章开头就宣布自己对上海的繁华已经熟视无睹，并进而将繁华的物质世界和与朋友共度的欢乐时光进行了对比，更加鲜明地反衬出友谊的可贵。
这篇二百多字的作文实在不能算长，但写得很精致，颇得传统上海人“螺蛳壳里做道场”的真传。作者的遣词造句都很考究，grandeur，liveliness，“stockpile等词汇的使用准确而生动，衔接手段的充分使用使得文气连贯而整齐，文中语法和搭配错误也极少。作者在文章末尾的比喻更是给读者留下了深刻的印象，将记忆比作柴火，将友谊比作火焰，明喻和暗喻的有机结合，值得再三回味。
当然，第二段的最后一句将让步状语从句放在后面，根据英语中“句末重心”(end-focus)的原则，该句就强调了上海大都市的魅力而不是同学友谊，这就背离了作者的初衷，因此建议将该从句调至句首。