给同学的一封信ALettertoaSchoolmate
A Letter to a Schoolmate
14 points
I am delighted to learn that you are going to visit me during the week-long holiday. My parents will also be happy to see you again. I am sure you will enjoy every minute here.
I know you are fond of swimming. A river lies not far away from my home. We can go swimming there. I think it would be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days. In every big room of my home there is an air-conditioner. We can watch TV, play VCDs or read books very comfortably at home.
A mountain about two miles away from here is beautiful and it is worth touring. We can go there on foot. When we climb to the top of the mountain, we can have a wonderful bird-eye view of the whole village.
Just phone me before you set off. There is no need for you to take anything. I’ll prepare everything for you.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.
评析
这篇作文内容切题，提纲要求的三方面内容都写到了，通篇文字简洁流畅，连贯性也较好，其文体亦是个人书信常用的口语体。该考生语法概念清楚，句子结构正确，词语搭配基本符合英美人的习惯。例如：第一段第一句I am delighted to learn…使用就很得体，别看learn这个词很简单，如果说成to know就没有这样得体。另外，像be happy to see you again，enjoy every minute here，are fond of swimming，it would be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days，is worth touring，go there on foot，looking forward to seeing you soon 等句子和表达都用得很娴熟得当，说明该考生的基本功是很扎实的。
需要改进的主要有以下几处：
1． 第3段第一句A mountain about two miles away from here is beautiful and it is worth
touring.语法没有错，但是，如果改成About two miles away from here there is a beautiful mountain就合乎英美人的使用习惯。另外，英美人也不大会讲A mountain is worth touring， 我们讲tour a city， 是到一个城市观光， tour Europe是到欧洲观光，其含义是要参观访问一个城市的好几个景点，访问欧洲好多个国家，好多个风景名胜，这里上下文看不出这样的含义，用tour就不合适了， touring应为climbing。
2． 第3段第3句中的bird-eye view应为bird’s-eye view。
3． 第2段第4句和第5句之间的连接差一点，加一个转折词语，如Besides, In addition或In the meantime等读起来要好一些。
现将原文稍作修改，供读者参考：
I am delighted to learn that you are going to visit me during the weeklong holiday. My parents will also be happy to see you again. I am sure you will enjoy every minute of your stay here.
I know you are fond of swimming. A river lies not far away from my home. We can go swimming there. I think it will be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days. In the meantime, as there is an air-conditioner in every big room of our house, we can watch TV, play VCDs or read books very comfortably when we stay at home.
About two miles away from here there is a beautiful mountain. We can get there on foot. I assure you it will be great fun climbing it. When we reach its top, we can have a bird’s-eye view of the country for miles around.
Just phone me before you set off. There is no need for you to bring anything. I’ll prepare everything for you.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.